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Questions to ask your wife

Updated: Feb 26

In order to get to know your wife and what she likes, there are a series of questions you should ask her and validation you should provide. Begin by letting her know that you want to learn to prioritize her sexually. If there has been an orgasm gap in your relationship, the first step is to acknowledge that. This may take some mindset changes, but it is possible and healthy to begin this Orgasm Equality Journey together.

Now, unfortunately there are a lot of women that have no idea what turns them on. They may not know what turns them off either. Some women have never prioritized themselves in this way and wouldn’t know where to start even if they wanted to. I’ve created this list of questions to help start you on this journey. You may need to take several detours along the way, maybe a field trip or two to really pin point some of her favorite and not-so-favorite things. But let’s get started.

Do you know what things turn her on sexually?

Are there any smells that she really loves? A certain perfume or maybe an essential oil or candle.

Does she like to feel things like soft blankets or super fluffy pillows? Silk sheets?

Has she ever read a romance novel? Romance novels don’t need to be dirty or raunchy to get our imaginations going. In my opinion, romance novels tend to get a bad reputation, but they are worth looking into. Does reading a romance novel sound like something that she would enjoy?

Is there a sound she really likes? Raindrops, thunderstorms, creeks, crashing ocean waves. What about music? Are there songs that really resonate with her?

Remember, the key is not just to start her engine but to transport her to a place where she matters.

You may already know this one, but does she have a drink that really soothes her? A favorite wine, hot tea, coffee, hot cocoa, maybe even kombucha.

Aphrodisiacs can be an incredible turn on too, especially chocolate. What’s her favorite food? Does she like sweet things like strawberries and chocolate cake? Or does she like it more salty? Food play can be fun and exciting. Starting in the kitchen can be a great idea. In fact, food can be such a turn on that you can buy lubes that are mint chocolate chip, pina colada, and birthday cake flavored (and many many more).

Does she have any fantasies? When people think of the word “fantasy” they run to a 3 way or sex in a public bathroom. That is not what I am referring to. When I say fantasy, it’s more realistic, something that could happen any day. She may play a scene out in her mind where you come home and hold her for a few minutes then the scene unfolds. Would she like to write out a screen play of the two of you that you can act out later?you should ask her.

How can you play together? What sounds fun to her?

Are there things that tend to distract her when you want to have sex? Think external distractions like pets, cell phones, tv in the background, a pile of dirty laundry that’s been sitting in the corner for a few weeks.

Now consider internal distractions. This list can be extensive like that phone call or text she’s been meaning to return for several hours (or days). Perhaps she had a fight with her bestie and now she can’t focus on anything else. She might have a long list of to-dos that just doesn’t seem to get smaller no matter what she does.

What can you do to help with those external and internal distractions? Ask her what her top 3 distractions are and work together to clear them.

Ask her what her favorite memory is of the two of you, tell her to be specific. This will give you a lot of clues about the things she values. Does she remember the smells? Was it raining? Maybe there was a warm fire. Did she like the smell, feel, or look of the fire? Do you see where I’m going with this? If you are able, try and recreate that scene for her. It’s likely that things have changed since that memory. The outcome may not be the same as it was, do not take that as a loss.

Enjoy the journey together, learn who she is now. Women go through so much change. Our needs and wants can change drastically as time goes on. We may hate something that we loved 15 years ago.That is why it is important not to guess at these questions. Take the time to figure out who she is today. If nothing else, she will appreciate you taking the time to prioritize her.

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