Starting from Scratch
"Ooops" I heard my son say as he was rolling out some cookie dough. "I think I used too much flour" he said. We were making some delicious gluten free Christmas cookies which were particularly sticky. I told him he could use a little flour to make it easier to roll out. He proceeded to dump out half a new bag of flour onto the dough.
As I look back at the calm I felt, I am amazed at how much PEACE I was filled with. As abuse survivors, we crave safety and in that moment I felt safe and he felt safe. In fact, as I am writing this, that flour mess is still covering our dinning table. We are not done making cookies and we are definitely not done making messes!
Years ago, this little incident would have ruined our day. I would have immediately felt the pressure to clean and scold my little boy. Living in a household that is ruled by a toxic person will do that. Today, I stop to relish the beauty of our new lives and note the contrasts between our trauma lives versus our New life. I am so grateful for this beautiful life and the opportunity my kids and I had to start from scratch.